"It sounds like you have transferred the search for love from parents to partners, meaning that perhaps you unconsciously blamed your parents' divorce on yourself and felt (feel?) unworthy of their love, therefore you are seeking to fill the need for parental love. You will never achieve this with a partner - you must find it with your parents. Try to mend any broken relationships with them, and share your repressed feelings of hurt and anger over the divorce with them or a qualified professional, before you seek a life partner. This is the best way to forgive yourself, forgive your parents, and find self-acceptance, which is crucial in building a loving relationship with another person. Good luck!"
Sounds like good advice to me. ... Okay, so I just did it. Took the first step anyway. Tonight, after many many years of silence, I confronted my own father about his leaving. Me, Mister Logical Politeness, had to yell at him at one point and tell him to shut up and listen, but it worked.
He stopped talking. He listened! Then I cussed him out good and cried. He was patient and honest. He explained the details and it rang true. The answer to my life's puzzle seems to be that some personalities just aren't compatible. That was the case with my parents. So, now I'm sort of angry at both of them for being stupid enough to make me before they were certain they loved eachother. This is why I've never married. The real reason. Even though I've been deeply in love, I have this fantasy of a perfect match that is required to ensure that I don't repeat my parent's mistake. But perfection is a myth, so I'm alone. Still, tonight my father said he loves me. And that's pretty cool. And ... there you have it. I hope this blog therapy helps some of you random readers. Go confront your parents if you never have. Confront yourself. The world will be a better place. - 4/24/06 8:45 PM, Me.
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