Saturday, March 5, 2011

How to Best Spend $4,838,592

I decided to get into ...uh... business. I've got over 100 people working for me doing jobs in the Brox, Queens and Staten Island. We have plans to move into Brooklyn, but all in due time.

A long time ago, there was some shoplifting and then ... street mugging, breaking and entering, grand theft auto, and even a liquor store robbery. Perhaps more than one. It seems years ago. We started a protection racket and then did a museum heist followed by an electronic store robbery. You can't pin any of this on me. I was miles away from the action, just pushing buttons on an iPhone. I nod to cops with a clear conscience. No trouble sleeping.

In Queens, we got there from the Brox, the business moved into liquor smuggling, and then prison breaks. I recall a jewelry store robbery and then we infiltrated a mob base. I figure by that time I had 50 people and I heard that the only way to grow was to knock off a mob member. Well, I'm not saying who pulled the trigger, but I do know an HK PSG1 sniper rifle, and armored suit and a BMW 335 were used for that "mission".

This was followed by bank robbery and hiding illegal goods. Were things getting out of hand? Our ranks kept growing. Was it 75 when we took out the snitch? That is the last thing I recall as I focused on Staten Island. My missions were different, bigger: steal weapons from the mob, sell arms underground, extort local businesses. That burning of the police station may have been an accident, but I'll cop to planting evidence on the mob. Did we bribe police before we manufactured fake money? The payout from bombing the mob's shipment was up to $560,000.

Of course, there was upkeep ($128,900 every hour to run this show) not to mention losing over $1 mil in attacks by other mobs. Do you realize that the upkeep on a flamethrower is $2000, and a chain gun is worse, $3,000 for every 50 minutes of operation. Oh and my two Lamborghini's (which cost $1 mil each), are costing me $10,000 every 50 minutes of operation. How could that be? And how could I be paying $40,000 every 50 minutes to operate an armored limousine? Forget about it.

What I do now is buy real estate. I have 86 street vendors, 55 shacks (don't ask), 43 convenience stores, 16 restaurants, 9 night clubs, 6 luxury condos, and 2 shopping malls. Should I spent $10 mil on a resort hotel? Wait until I have $20 mil for an office tower? $40 mill for a casino? Or even save up $55 mil for an Amusement Park?

I need advice. Do I spend $4,838,592 or put it in the bank? If I do spend it, what should I purchase to get the best return on investment? Here are a few sites that help you figure out your maximum ROI (that's return on investment.):

Real Estate Calculator. Advice: Buy a night club. It will give you $10,000 additional income.

Another Calculator
Advice: Buy a night club for $950,000. With my current real estate, I'm missing out on $19,950 income.

I should have been consulting these people all along.

UPDATE: The ROI changes constantly. I purchased the night club and now the advice is to get a shopping mall for $4.8 mil next. Well, I only have $4.2 mil in the bank and not much energy right now. The godfather would do me a favor, but I've had some god advice not to accept any favors from the godfather ... until the end.

1 comment:

Cheng said...

Is this an excerpt from Brian T. Moynihan's autobiography?